Confession Time

Man oh man have I been a busy bee. With school, running, and life I have not had nearly enough time for my blog. I have not been posting anything but recipes. I feel bad! Therefor, I need to change this and I want to change this. So onto my first confession….

Confession 1: I wish I blogged more and had more time. I really hope that I can figure something out so that I can. There are so many amazing blogs out there that inspire me. 

Confession 2: I have a post that I have been working on that is an update on my ED. But, I just haven’t shared it yet. 

Confession 3: Even though it appears to people that I am doing great in recovery and happy, sadly this is not the case. Yes I am doing way better than before. But, there are days when I think that I will next get out of this mess in my head. 

Confession 4: This year just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. At least not yet. This makes me very sad because it is my favorite holiday. I am just not getting the joyous feeling I usually get.

Confession 5: I am in a negative funk. I tell myself that I can only truly make myself happy. Which I greatly believe. I need to change my mindset and be more positive. 

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Confession 6: I LOVE the snow ,but it is really making my training hard to do! I have been having to use the treadmill a lot for my traning and I am so over it!

Confession 7: I have been craving soup, but I have not let myself have it lately. 

Confession 8: I am pretty sure I am lactose intolerant and maybe even gluten intolerant. I need to start figuring this out and changing my diet.

Confession 9: I haven’t seen the new Hunger Games movie yet! I loved the books so I need to ASAP!

Confession 10: It has not really hit me yet that its almost 2014. I really want to make goals for myself in regards to my running, recovery, happiness, school, friends, and family.

I hope that you all forgive me for my lack of personal posts. I am working on writing more. I hope you all are having a great holiday season!

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LiveLaughLoveHope

-Hayls

 

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Healthy “Pop-tart”

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HEALTHY POP-TART! 

 

Ingredients:

1 small la tortilla factory tortilla

1/2-1 scoop of protein powder

2 tbsp cottage cheese

1/2 tbsp coconut flour

1 tsp vanilla extract 

Directions:

Mix all the ingredients and place inside the tortilla. Then fold tortilla and place inside a George Forman grill for about 4 minutes or untill toasted! Top with whatever you would like!! 

My Night time Snack: recipe: Chocolate protein mug cake and Profroyo

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Mug cake:

1 tbsp coconut flour

.5-1 tsp coconut oil

1.5 tsp coco powder

1/4 tsp baking powder

1.5 tbsp almond milk

1 tbsp water

3 tbsp egg whites

carmel and vanilla extract

stevia (optional)

MICROWAVE for 2:15 stopping half way through to make sure it is not over flowing!

Profroyo

1 container of plain greek yogurt

1/2 tbsp of sugar free pudding (I use vanilla)

almond,vanilla, or butter extract

Unsweetened almond milk (I used just enough to make it a nice constancy)

FREEZE for an hour stirring halfway through! Take out and enjoy! I like to microwave frozen fruit and then mix it in after I take out the profroyo because then it makes it less firm and melty =] I also top mine with microwaved banana and walden farms syrups!

New Recipe: Egg white Pumpkin Oats

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Chocolate                   OR               Regular

Recipe:

1/2 cup oats

1 cup water

1/4 cup almond milk

1/2 tbsp chia seeds

vanilla extract

cinnamon

2 egg whites

2-3 tbsp of pumpkin

1 stevia packet (optional)

Coco powder (optional, just if you want chocolate oats)

Directions:

In a big microwave bowl add every things but the pumpkin and egg whites. Microwave for 2 minutes. Take out stir and add egg whites and microwave for another 2 minutes. Take out and add pumpkin and coco powder (if desired)….microwave for about 45 seconds. Take out and put on your toppings! I love blueberries, banana, and PB2!! 

 

New recipe: Fluffy Protein Pancakes!!!

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Ingredients:

DRY-

1/2 scoop whey protein (I use designer whey)

3 TBSP coconut flour

1 tsp chia seeds

1/2 tbsp psyllium husk

cinnamon

1/2 tsp baking soda

WET-

1/4 cup egg whites

2 tbsp cottage cheese

4 tbsp almond milk

2 TBSP water (may need more)

vanilla extract

Topping:

Frozen fruit microwaved

My healthy chocolate sauce (found in recipes tab)

DIRECTIONS:

Mix the dry ingredients then add the wet ingredients. Let batter sit for at least 5 minutes. Then heat a skillet at medium heat and add batter (make the pancakes whatever size you want) Cook for 3 minutes or so (timing may be different so use your judgment) flip then cook for 4 minutes. Add toppings and enjoy!!!

New Recipe: PB&J egg white oats

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Ingredients:

1/2 cup oats

1/2 tbsp chia seeds

1 cup water

1/4 cup almond milk

2 egg whites

vanilla extract and butter extract

1 packet of stevia

Topping:

PB2 or Peanut butter

Frozen fruit microwaved

1/2 Banana

cinnamon

Directions:

Add the oats, water, chia seeds, almond milk, and extracts into a bog microwavable bowl. Cook for 3 minutes and watch for overflow! Tack out and stir in egg whites. Cook for another 2 minutes. Take out and add the cinnamon. Then add the toppings and enjoy!!! 

***You can also make them chocolate by adding coco powder in when you are adding cinnamon! 

 

Update: Freedom Summer

Can you guys believe it is already July 31st!! What has the world come to? I feel like summer went by wayyyy to fast. The last update I posted I talked about this and how it was scaring me how fast the summer is going by. I was feeling pressure to recover faster. And to get to a certain point. I was also struggling with choosing a new school to go to this fall. Well, since then I feel like I have made GREAT progress. I have challenged my self in many ways in recovery and I have figured out where I will be attending school! 

Let’s start with school. I have decided to stay close to home and attend a smallish school (9,000). I also have decided to contact the cross country and track coach! I have for sure found a love for running. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling pressure from my dad to join a running team at the school I choose to attend. But, now it is for me. I LOVE to run. I have to still try out still but I am excited! I have also been in contact with a few of my suite mates and so far I am happy with them! 

Now, onto ED recovery. The past few weeks have been very good. I stop calorie counting for about 5 days in a row and then I started it up again =/. On my fitness pal I go over the allotted amount but I do not care. I am eating to fuel my body. So right now I do not see calorie counting as bad. It is helping me actually see how much I need to eat to fuel my body and holding me accountable. Yes, in the future I need to stop the calorie counting but for now I am not going to stress about it. There have been many fear foods conquered in the past few weeks. Last weekend me and my best friend took a road trip to the city to visit my cousin, shop, and go to a lacrosse game. Let me tell you, I was so nervous for this trip. ED was going out of control thinking about what food I was going to eat, what food I was going to pack, and how I was going to exercise. I was not going to let this stop me from having a fun girls weekend. One of the highlights of the trip was having FROYO for the first time in forever. I WANTED to do this. No one pressured me into it. Of course when I was waiting in line for my froyo (it was not self serve) I (actually ED) was thinking to myself..”whats the lowest calorie” “What is the healthiest” “blah blah blah”? I was tempted to get the kiddie size by ED but I went with the small chocolate with fresh fruit. I ATE IT ALL! Screw you ED! It was a amazing and I was so proud of myself. I also challenge myself with a store bought sandwich on the way home with full fat cheese and normal every day whole wheat bread (aka not sandwich thins). I realized that this was perfectly fine thing to eat. It was healthy, filling, and nutritious! I have also gotten better at just eating when I am hungry. If I am hungry and hour after lunch so be it. I will have a little snack. I feel like all this is happening at the right time (right before I head off the school). 

Of course there are still things I am struggling with. And everyday is not a good challenge or recovery day. I am also still struggling with exercise and rest days. But now that I might be running in College I feel pressure to make sure I stay in shape so that I am at my best when I try out. I am thinking of emailing the coach and asking him what I should be doing to prepare for the season. But, I am taking a rest day from running and I am doing some sort of cross training. Sure it is not much but it is better than nothing. I am progressing. That is all the counts. 

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LiveLaughLoveHope

-Hayls

 

New Recipe: Cookie Dough Bites

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Recipe(adapted from here-letmebegealthy on IG):

1 TBSP of Coconut Flour

1/3 banana

11/2 TBSP of Almond milk

Cinnamon

1/2 TSP Butter extract or other extract

Sweetener if desired 

Directions: 

I a bowl combine the above ingredients. Mix well. Once mixed form balls ( they can be whatever size you like). Then pop them in the fridge for at least an hour so they can harden up a bit. Then enjoy! You can eat them plain, in yogurt, in cottage cheese, in oats, with pancakes, etc…

Dear Body,

In my last post I mentioned an exercise that I did with my nutritionists that I really enjoyed. It really opened my eyes and made me realize a lot of things. I loved this exercise. It was very hard to do, but so worth it. tI wrote a letter to my body. I did not have time to plan it out or really think about it I just started writing- (this is exactly what I wrote in my session. I did not edit it)

Dear Body, 

        I am so sorry for what I have put you through in the last few years. It was something that no one should have to go though. You are the only body I have in this life. That is why I have decided to stop torturing you and get help. You have done amazing things for me this last year in regards to running and weight lifting without the proper fuel! It is time for me to return the favor. I am trying my hardest to refuel you and give you some rest. It is a hard process but I am willing to do it. I know you cannot keep going for much longer if I do not change. I love the way you look right now and so do a lot of people. You deserve the compliments and the credit from the people that acknowledge my body. But, what some people do not see or understand is that you are not as healthy as they think. I need to realize this to and I have. I hope that you will forgive me as we go on this journey to freedom together…without our enemy ED. 

Lots of love,

Hayls ❤

Then I wrote a letter from my body to me- (This was hard for me. I was not sure if I should be mean and cruel or understanding and caring.)

Dear Hayls,

    WOW! Thank you so much for finally realizing this! You are right! I have accomplished a lot this last year without the proper fuel and rest. It has been very long and hard. I am glad that you want to change. Not just for yourself, but me. I am glad that you have started to fuel me better and I hope you keep going. More fuel would be much appreciated though.  Me and you are inseperable. WE have to wprk together and be a tea,. Together we will accomplish great things. Please keep going strong. I am here for you and always will be. 

Sincerely,

Body

****While writing this I realized that I do not see my body as a women or even a man. I see body as a higher power. Someone with great wisdom. Someone that truly only knows me and my personal needs. They know how much food I need, how much I need to rest, and what truly makes me happy. I need to listen to body way more than ED. This is the challenge I have be faced with. I have blocked out bodies voice and have been listening to ED. This is changing now. I am listening to Body way more, but at times ED still prevails. This is part of recovery. It is not going to be an easy walk in the park. There will be ups and downs, twists and turns….but as long as I am moving in the right direction I will be fine.

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I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you are going through recovery I encourage you to do this exercise. You might be surprised how much it effects you…I was. As always I am here for anyone that needs anything. Feel free to email me with any questions, concerns, or anything else.

LiveLaughLoveHope,

Hayls

     

Update: Freedom summer

Before I start rambling on about my life I want to show you guys this….

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This quote is truly amazing to me. Never doubt yourself. In order to achieve something you have to believe in yourself! Sure there can be other people around you that believe in you and support you ,but unless you actually believe in yourself there will be no change. This is what describes my recovery so far. I feel like I have mad a great amount of progress so far since starting recovery at the beginning of the summer. I wanted to change. I wanted to live a happy life. And I am on that road. Sure, there were times when I had doubts about myself but I pushed though and I believed in myself. When the going gets tough just believe in yourself. 

Okay, now onto my life updates. I am loving my counselor. She is honestly so awesome. I have only been meeting with her once a week, but every night I call her and tell her about my day and my struggles and then she calls me back and leave a message. I love this. It is like i get to talk to her everyday! I love her because she not only help with my ED struggles but my other life struggles including college, boys, and just girl problems. My last appointment she had me do this awesome exercise that really opened my eyes.( I am going to do a whole post on this soon. So stay tuned). I also saw my nutritionist for the second time on Tuesday. I really wanted to change up my meal plan in certain areas. The first meal plan she gave me was one that was not very different than the way I eaten for a whole year and a half. I decided I was so tired of that. I want change. I wanted to change! So we added NEW foods to my meal plan and more options so that I am not eating the same thing every dang day. So far I have been loving it! 

These last week and a half has been great. I have challenged myself with going to Qudoba, trying new options, making snacks bigger and eating fear foods (Quinoa, crackers, and coconut oil). I also used to have an ED rule in my head where I was only allowed to eat at certain times or have to wait a certain amount of time before I ate anything, even if I am starving. But now I am getting much better at that. I am listening to my body more. I am wanting to try new things and change up my diet. I have added way more healthy fats which I am loving! I am so so so proud of myself for doing this-fats used to be a big no no for me, but not anymore! I have also stopped weighing my self and wearing my HRM when I run. I have been writing in a journal everyday and recording my daily eats in my journal. I also record how I feel. I loving have a journal and just being able to reflect on my recovery. It helps me a lot to write out what I am thinking. They only thing that I am not to happy about is that I am still using my fitness pal. I am not using it nearly as much. I jam starting to slowly  trust myself and my body. Once I do this fully MFP will be gone! 

I still do have bad moments. But, I am trying to just focus in the positive. There is no point on dwelling on the past. What is done is done. You live and you learn. Thats what recovery is-a learning experience. I am growing stronger and a person. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. This whole thing happened to me for some reason and I am going to make it the best of it. 

Thanks so much for following my recovery journey thus far. I hope you all are doing well and having a great summer/winter where ever you are in the world. I am hear for you if you ever need anything. My email is in the “contact” me section on my blog.

LiveLaughLoveHope

-Hayls