Once upon a time there was this girl. And this girl felt the pressure to be perfect. She wanted the perfect body, the perfect life, the perfect diet, the perfect everything. When things did not go as planned she would become very upset. Sometimes she would take it out on herself by not eating enough. Sometimes she would take it out on her body and do endless cardio. She would take it out on her family who cared for her so much. It was an endless cycle of madness.
Where did there need to be perfect come from? Her friend ED. Now ED, he thought was a powerful man. He could control this girls every thought and move. She could not longer think or act for herself. It was all about ED. He had taken so much away from her life. She no longer had a social life, her relationship with her family was awful, her friends were nonexistent, but most of all she had lost her own self in ED. But, one day this girl decided that enough was enough. Something inside her struck her. She did NOT want to live like this anymore. ED was no longer going to be her ruler. ED you see was an abusive boyfriend. The girl and ED were in an abusive relationship. It was so hard for her to finally get the courage and the guts to leave ED.
Now of course leaving ED is not as simple as that. ED was always in the girls mind telling her things like, “Do not eat that you will get fat” or “Look at yourself, you are getting to fat”. These were normal everyday thoughts that ED would supply. Before the girl would listen to and follow his rules. But, now that was not always the case. The horrible thoughts that ED would send the girl’s way were combated. The girl now had the power to challenge the thoughts from ED. She now could use her own rational thoughts to fight him back! Everything that ED every said was a lie and always would be. The girl finally figured this out.
So now as the days go on there are still awful thoughts from ED being sent my way, but I am much more powerful against ED. It is so hard to let go of the one relationship I had for over two years. Ed was the only man I had in my life. He was my only “friend”, or so I thought. I did not have time for anyone else in my life except ED. There are still days were it is a struggle and ED is louder than ever and I feel weaker than ever. But, you know I always do no matter what? I fight. I stay strong. I stick up for myself. I tell ED to shut up. ED is getting weaker and weaker as time goes by. I hope that someday ED’s voice will be a voice I hear no more. But, until then I know what I have to do for myself. I have a whole life ahead of me that can be filled with love, happiness, joy, and laughter. And I am willing to fight for that. We all deserve to be happy. Some of us just have to fight harder than other to reach that happiness. It was my choice to fight ED and it is your choice too. Fight for yourself and what you deserve. At time it feels unreachable, but believe me if you set your mind to it you can. Recovery is possible. I am on my journey towards that. I believe I can do it, and that you can too.