Confessions on Freedom Summer

Hello lovies, I know I have been kind of MIA lately. Sorry! But, here I am again! =]

 

This post is meant to update you all on my freedom summer through confessions.

1.

I confess….I have been having some hard core ED thoughts.

BUT

I confess….I have been combating ED with my rational thoughts.

 

2.

I confess…..I am deathly afraid of gaining weight.

BUT

I confess…I no longer pay attention to the scale. I am not a number. I do have strong urges to weight myself. But, I will NOT. It will do no good.

I am not a munber

3.

I confess…..I have not been following my meal plan as well as I should.

BUT

I confess….I have been trying new foods and adding more variety to my diet. I also went to dinner at a pizza restaurant and ate there! I got a spinach salad with walnuts, FETA, tomatoes, and chicken! I ate mostly the whole thing except some walnuts. When it came the chicken was hot and had made the cheese all melty. This scared the crap out of me ,but I ENJOYED the hot melty yummy cheese. I realized there is nothing wrong with this healthy and nutritious salad!

 

4.

I confess….I still follow some ED rules.

BUT

I confess….I have been breaking rules! Sure I feel guilty…but it is positive guilt! For example I used to eat only at certain times even if I was starving. I have now loosened up this rule =]

ed quotee

5.

I confess…I am so nervous to go back to college. Even though it is a different school I am still scared that I will not make friends, make connections, and go back to my old ways. I do not want to leave the comfort of my own home. I do not want to go back to what I know as college (a horrible miserable experience).

BUT

I confess….I am excited to try something new.  I hope to meet other girls like me. I hope to make good friends and join some clubs. I hope to meet some cute boys. I hope that I can find comfort and happiness.

 

6.

I confess….I still have a way to go in recovery. In terms of food, thought, exercise, and listening to my body.

BUT

I confess…I have come a long way since the beginning of the summer. I am a strong determined girl. I am not going to let ED ruin my college experience. He will not keep me from making friends, going out, and living life. ED is slowly becoming my divorced EX boyfriend whom I plan on never going back to.

ed quote 3

I leave for school this friday . As you can tell I have a lot of mixed emotions toward my leaving. I have made a list of what I need to pack , but nothing has been packed. I am stressing about everything. Especially food. But I am going to try and be positive and relax and enjoy life.

quotee

LiveLaughLoveHope

-Hayls

 

If you need to talk I am here for you guys! I am just an email away!

 

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20 thoughts on “Confessions on Freedom Summer

  1. When I went into recovery for an ED I remember telling my sister that I didn’t want to get better because I didn’t want to gain weight and get fat. To me, that was such a scary thing to think about happening. I didn’t realize that gaining enough weight to reach a healthy level is only scary when you are controlled by ED, but once you have reached recovery that fear is gone. Gaining weight and being healthy should not, and will not, equate unhappiness. ED causes unhappiness, not your weight. Keep going down your road to recovery, one step at a time. You will find happiness that is determined separately from the food you put in your body.

  2. EVERYTIME you post something I cannot get over how much we are alike. #Fitsoulsistas. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend so that we can tackle this together. I am going through the exact same thing right now… So this post read my mind! I’m so happy and proud about the progress you have been making! 😊👍💚

  3. You have come a long way. You should continue to be proud of that. Don’t let the stresses of college bring you down. Be excited for something new and don’t be afraid to branch out. I know, it is a change and changes are tough for those like you and I who battle ED. I’ve been there, just remember everyone is here for you!

  4. I can relate to number two. I am finally at a point where I’m mostly confident (even though I still want to tone a bit) but I’m no where near as uncomfortable with my body as I was 30 lbs ago so I am DEATHLY afraid of gaining weight too. I wish I didn’t put so much emphasis on it but, I too, have stopped weighing myself and it really helps. My pants still fight and aren’t tight. The scale would just ruin my day and turn me into an even crazier psycho workout freak than I already am 😉 I’m sorry you’re struggling with this mentality and bad thoughts. I’m right there with ya – but I KNOW we can pull through if we change our mindset and focus on our great qualities instead of the not so great ones – you know? We’re never going to be fully happy with ourselves (I’ve seen that in my weight loss – I’m complimented and yet it’s never enough!) When you are at school – feel free to lean on anyone that has given you support via the ‘blogworld’! That’s part of what we’re here for 🙂

  5. Sweetheart, you HAVE come a long way, and know that you WILL get to where you need to be. Just keep focusing on TODAY, not next week or a month from now. Take it day by day. You’re doing wonderful ❤

  6. I’m so glad I found your site. I’m also a runner and finding good routines and healthy recipes are great! But I am especially thankful for reading your blog because my friend is going through something very similar and has been hospitalized this past year. It has really helped me understand all the struggles she has been having. Thanks again…I already bookmarked this site!

  7. Best of luck at your new college! Keep pushing and you’ll get there.

    I have nominated you for a Liebster Award, check out the post on my blog for more details! Congrats, you deserve it 🙂

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