Hello lovies, I know I have been kind of MIA lately. Sorry! But, here I am again! =]
This post is meant to update you all on my freedom summer through confessions.
I confess….I have been having some hard core ED thoughts.
I confess….I have been combating ED with my rational thoughts.
I confess…..I am deathly afraid of gaining weight.
I confess…I no longer pay attention to the scale. I am not a number. I do have strong urges to weight myself. But, I will NOT. It will do no good.
I confess…..I have not been following my meal plan as well as I should.
I confess….I have been trying new foods and adding more variety to my diet. I also went to dinner at a pizza restaurant and ate there! I got a spinach salad with walnuts, FETA, tomatoes, and chicken! I ate mostly the whole thing except some walnuts. When it came the chicken was hot and had made the cheese all melty. This scared the crap out of me ,but I ENJOYED the hot melty yummy cheese. I realized there is nothing wrong with this healthy and nutritious salad!
I confess….I still follow some ED rules.
I confess….I have been breaking rules! Sure I feel guilty…but it is positive guilt! For example I used to eat only at certain times even if I was starving. I have now loosened up this rule =]
I confess…I am so nervous to go back to college. Even though it is a different school I am still scared that I will not make friends, make connections, and go back to my old ways. I do not want to leave the comfort of my own home. I do not want to go back to what I know as college (a horrible miserable experience).
I confess….I am excited to try something new. I hope to meet other girls like me. I hope to make good friends and join some clubs. I hope to meet some cute boys. I hope that I can find comfort and happiness.
I confess….I still have a way to go in recovery. In terms of food, thought, exercise, and listening to my body.
I confess…I have come a long way since the beginning of the summer. I am a strong determined girl. I am not going to let ED ruin my college experience. He will not keep me from making friends, going out, and living life. ED is slowly becoming my divorced EX boyfriend whom I plan on never going back to.
I leave for school this friday . As you can tell I have a lot of mixed emotions toward my leaving. I have made a list of what I need to pack , but nothing has been packed. I am stressing about everything. Especially food. But I am going to try and be positive and relax and enjoy life.
If you need to talk I am here for you guys! I am just an email away!