Update: Freedom Summer

Can you guys believe it is already July 31st!! What has the world come to? I feel like summer went by wayyyy to fast. The last update I posted I talked about this and how it was scaring me how fast the summer is going by. I was feeling pressure to recover faster. And to get to a certain point. I was also struggling with choosing a new school to go to this fall. Well, since then I feel like I have made GREAT progress. I have challenged my self in many ways in recovery and I have figured out where I will be attending school! 

Let’s start with school. I have decided to stay close to home and attend a smallish school (9,000). I also have decided to contact the cross country and track coach! I have for sure found a love for running. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling pressure from my dad to join a running team at the school I choose to attend. But, now it is for me. I LOVE to run. I have to still try out still but I am excited! I have also been in contact with a few of my suite mates and so far I am happy with them! 

Now, onto ED recovery. The past few weeks have been very good. I stop calorie counting for about 5 days in a row and then I started it up again =/. On my fitness pal I go over the allotted amount but I do not care. I am eating to fuel my body. So right now I do not see calorie counting as bad. It is helping me actually see how much I need to eat to fuel my body and holding me accountable. Yes, in the future I need to stop the calorie counting but for now I am not going to stress about it. There have been many fear foods conquered in the past few weeks. Last weekend me and my best friend took a road trip to the city to visit my cousin, shop, and go to a lacrosse game. Let me tell you, I was so nervous for this trip. ED was going out of control thinking about what food I was going to eat, what food I was going to pack, and how I was going to exercise. I was not going to let this stop me from having a fun girls weekend. One of the highlights of the trip was having FROYO for the first time in forever. I WANTED to do this. No one pressured me into it. Of course when I was waiting in line for my froyo (it was not self serve) I (actually ED) was thinking to myself..”whats the lowest calorie” “What is the healthiest” “blah blah blah”? I was tempted to get the kiddie size by ED but I went with the small chocolate with fresh fruit. I ATE IT ALL! Screw you ED! It was a amazing and I was so proud of myself. I also challenge myself with a store bought sandwich on the way home with full fat cheese and normal every day whole wheat bread (aka not sandwich thins). I realized that this was perfectly fine thing to eat. It was healthy, filling, and nutritious! I have also gotten better at just eating when I am hungry. If I am hungry and hour after lunch so be it. I will have a little snack. I feel like all this is happening at the right time (right before I head off the school). 

Of course there are still things I am struggling with. And everyday is not a good challenge or recovery day. I am also still struggling with exercise and rest days. But now that I might be running in College I feel pressure to make sure I stay in shape so that I am at my best when I try out. I am thinking of emailing the coach and asking him what I should be doing to prepare for the season. But, I am taking a rest day from running and I am doing some sort of cross training. Sure it is not much but it is better than nothing. I am progressing. That is all the counts. 

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LiveLaughLoveHope

-Hayls

 

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8 thoughts on “Update: Freedom Summer

  1. So proud of you with everything!!! 👍😊 You’ve made a huge improvement this summer. I’m so happy that you have decided to pursue running more: you’re such a talented runner and you can’t let that gift go to waste! I’m on the EXACT same page with you when it comes to calorie counting. I am doing it solely to make sure that I am fueling my body properly because I am exercising so much. So happy that everything with college is settled. Yay!!! Enjoy the rest of your summer💚

  2. So proud of you and happy to hear about your progress in recovery! What awesome accomplishments you’re making! You should be SO proud of the progress you’ve made! (Especially on the froyo!) Go you! And keep celebrating all of the victories, no matter how small they may seem. Good for you! 😀

  3. Reading all of this makes me so happy- I’m really proud of all the progress you’ve made this summer. You set your heart and mind to rediscover your happiness and freedom and that’s exactly what you’re doing. Before you know it, you’ll be out with friends, enjoying “fear” foods, and taking rest days without a second thought. That’s what living is all about. (:

  4. Just discovered your blog and your instagram… have to say it’s really impressive that you’re putting it all out there and being totally honest. Kudos to you! I know that I work best if I feel there are other people holding me accountable.. and that’s exactly what your blog is! You’ll always have a place to go where people are here to support you, especially during this total sh*t times. Good luck running in college, I played lacrosse at the collegiate level and being part of a team was one of the best support systems I could have asked for! Keep it up girl!

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