Can you guys believe it is already July 31st!! What has the world come to? I feel like summer went by wayyyy to fast. The last update I posted I talked about this and how it was scaring me how fast the summer is going by. I was feeling pressure to recover faster. And to get to a certain point. I was also struggling with choosing a new school to go to this fall. Well, since then I feel like I have made GREAT progress. I have challenged my self in many ways in recovery and I have figured out where I will be attending school!
Let’s start with school. I have decided to stay close to home and attend a smallish school (9,000). I also have decided to contact the cross country and track coach! I have for sure found a love for running. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling pressure from my dad to join a running team at the school I choose to attend. But, now it is for me. I LOVE to run. I have to still try out still but I am excited! I have also been in contact with a few of my suite mates and so far I am happy with them!
Now, onto ED recovery. The past few weeks have been very good. I stop calorie counting for about 5 days in a row and then I started it up again =/. On my fitness pal I go over the allotted amount but I do not care. I am eating to fuel my body. So right now I do not see calorie counting as bad. It is helping me actually see how much I need to eat to fuel my body and holding me accountable. Yes, in the future I need to stop the calorie counting but for now I am not going to stress about it. There have been many fear foods conquered in the past few weeks. Last weekend me and my best friend took a road trip to the city to visit my cousin, shop, and go to a lacrosse game. Let me tell you, I was so nervous for this trip. ED was going out of control thinking about what food I was going to eat, what food I was going to pack, and how I was going to exercise. I was not going to let this stop me from having a fun girls weekend. One of the highlights of the trip was having FROYO for the first time in forever. I WANTED to do this. No one pressured me into it. Of course when I was waiting in line for my froyo (it was not self serve) I (actually ED) was thinking to myself..”whats the lowest calorie” “What is the healthiest” “blah blah blah”? I was tempted to get the kiddie size by ED but I went with the small chocolate with fresh fruit. I ATE IT ALL! Screw you ED! It was a amazing and I was so proud of myself. I also challenge myself with a store bought sandwich on the way home with full fat cheese and normal every day whole wheat bread (aka not sandwich thins). I realized that this was perfectly fine thing to eat. It was healthy, filling, and nutritious! I have also gotten better at just eating when I am hungry. If I am hungry and hour after lunch so be it. I will have a little snack. I feel like all this is happening at the right time (right before I head off the school).
Of course there are still things I am struggling with. And everyday is not a good challenge or recovery day. I am also still struggling with exercise and rest days. But now that I might be running in College I feel pressure to make sure I stay in shape so that I am at my best when I try out. I am thinking of emailing the coach and asking him what I should be doing to prepare for the season. But, I am taking a rest day from running and I am doing some sort of cross training. Sure it is not much but it is better than nothing. I am progressing. That is all the counts.