Update: The summer of Freedom

Happy Sunday loves! I hope your weekends have been fabulous! It is almost summer time!

If you have been reading my blog you will know that I have been struggling with eating and exercising. If you missed it just go back a few posts. I have started seeing a counselor that focuses on ED. Going to counseling is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. It makes me realize how over taken my mind is by ED related thoughts. I have had two appointments so far and I have balled in both. It is such an emotional roller coaster for me. I guess I though I was not so bad, so now I am finally realizing that it is way worse than I thought. I am also realizing I have other issues that I am dealing with besides eating and exercising. Among them is friends, guys, and relationships. Some of these issues string back to when I was in middle school. I have been holding these issues in for so long.  I love the counselor I am seeing. I am very comfortable with her and share everything with her. I am not afraid to open up and tell her exactly how I feel. She has shown me how much I am actually struggling and that there is hope for change. I am also planning on seeing a nutritionist who will give me a meal plan to follow. I am so nervous for this but I know it needs to happen. I am ready to break free of this madness inside my head.

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Coming home this summer has been the best thing in the world. But, people that have not seen me in a while will say things like “you have gotten very thin”. I have heard these awful words to many times in the past week. To me this would be the equivalent of someone saying to a person with out ED ” you have gotten fat”. It just makes me feel like crap. I know I am thin and I am trying to change it thank you very much! I feel like people are treating me differently. I hate it. When people hug me I feel like they are trying to be gentle, like if they squeeze to hard I will break. I wish people would not judge me. I wish people knew who much I am actually suffering. I have only shared with a few of my really close friends that I have an ED. And endless someone has experienced an ED they still can not fully understand. But, I have been trying not to let people get to me. They just probably don’t know how to handle the situation.

I am so glad that I have finally gone to counseling. This is just one small step into a life of freedom. It will be a hard long journey but I am willing to take it. My life will no longer be defined by my ED. I want this summer to be fun and worry free. I want to be able to go out to dinner with friends and enjoy myself. I will be keeping updates on this throughout the summer. I am naming this summer: The summer of freedom.

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Thanks for reading and understanding. If you want to talk about anything I am here for you. I know I am not the only one who struggles. Opening up with issues is the first step to recovering.

LiveLaughLoveHopeFreedom

-Hayls

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36 thoughts on “Update: The summer of Freedom

  1. Aw Hayls! I totally know what you’re going through. My first time at my therapy appointment I cried and was basically blown away by how severe my ED was. Let me know if you need ANYTHING. I’m here for you girl! You are strong- I know you can get through this ❤

  2. So good that you’ve recognized it and are getting help! And that you’ve made a decision on your own to be happy and healthy. Good luck, girl. Thoughts and prayers!

  3. I am SO proud of you girl for taking such a big step! I know that can be one of the hardest steps to take, but it is so important and so necessary if you want to try and regain control of your life. I couldn’t be prouder of you for doing so! I think a big thing that really helps in the recovery process is WANTING to break the cycle and you really seem to have the desire to get help and get better and to let go of your ED. That is wonderful. If you want to chat/email/call, etc. seriously let me know. I’ve been there and know exactly how all these emotions and experiences will be for you. So if you ever need anything, I’m here. I can private message you my contact info too 🙂

  4. Thank you so much for posting this! You have no idea how much this relates to me. Your personal story and your will to fight your ED helps give me the strength to fight my own ED. I just don’t know where to start or where to begin in fighting this. It’s hard for me to shake the fear of gaining weight even though I know I need to. I’m scared of eating otherwise of foods and only restricting myself to organic foods. Any advice you can give would be
    Helpful 🙂

    • We can do it! What I do is just start small…like baby steps. Everyday or every other start adding unsafe foods into your diet. For example, I eat 2 pretzel M&Ms everyday or every other day. Good luck lovely! Stay strong!

  5. I’ve been in your shoes before. It’s absolutely wonderful that you have found a counselor you’re comfortable with. I truly believe that was the most important part of my recovery and it will do the same for you. If you need anything, feel free to chat with me. I love sharing my story and I remember the summer that I was in your shoes like it was yesterday. It does get easier, I promise you that.

  6. I’m so proud of you for going to counseling. Eating disorders are such a hard thing to shake off of you and a lot of the times, you need outside help to get that voice out of your head telling you that you aren’t good enough. I’m so glad that you found a counselor that you like!

    Lots of love,
    Christine

  7. You are not alone! It is great you are getting help. I recently went to an ED treatment center in Florida and it was the best thing I ever did. I just wish I would have done it years ago! ED is so manipulative and I think its very hard to beat without some help and support. Good for you!

  8. So proud of you for getting the help you need! I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you, but know that I am always here for support!

  9. I hope this all helps you! You definitely deserve to get the help you want and need and then have an amazing summer. I have never gone through ED, but just your examples you gave really struck me. I never thought how saying someone was skinny gave different thoughts. I wish you lots of luck- if you ever need anything, send me an email or tweet me! I am praying for you ❤

  10. So proud of you babe and I know what you’re feeling! If you ever need someone to talk to, reach out to me(:

  11. You are a star!!!! what a champ i am so proud of you for going and taking a big step to get help!! i believe in you and you will beat ED in the butt!!! never give up and continually strive to improve your health. i know it will be hard and scary (i have been there) but it is so worth it in the end. you will begin to love going out to meals with friends and family and will love the freedom and peace of mind. You are such a determined young woman and will always be super fit and strong!!! you will become stronger and fitter when you overcome ED!!! you inspire me and many other girls. And i am so excited for you when gain the courage to enjoy an ice cream or chocolate bar (it will come in time!!!) 😀

    sending sooooooooooooooo much love your way pumpkin!! xxxxx

  12. Hey girl<3 I had no idea you were struggling, but I have been there, and remember all that you are feeling way too vividly. I know you have had many offer above, but I would love to talk to you if you want any advice or encouragement. The reason I started my blog and instagram is so I could help girls that are where I once was, and I would love nothing more than to help as much as I can from afar. Email me at FreshFitnHealthy@gmail.com if you want to love, and we can also talk over text if you want!

    xoxoSarah

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